21 February 2007

The Great MySpace Experiment (Sept. 06) [Op-Ed]

I usually try to tune out the background noise as I pass through Cal-Hi’s crowded halls, but for some reason, there is one phrase that I can always discern, even over the noisiest crowds. Not a single hour at school has passed by without me hearing somebody mention the infamous Myspace.com.

Myspace was created by the now-famous Tom Anderson, with the intent of being a place for young adults to hand out, and maybe make a few new friends in the process. Look at Myspace now… It’s become the wild, wild, wild web!

I first joined Myspace back in the eighth grade. Back then, you had to be at least sixteen years old, but like many others my age, I entered a random number… and thus, I became a twenty-seven year old middle school student, and not the only one at that. One of the girls in my English class was one hundred years old… I wonder how many people of such an advanced age have color photographs of themselves wearing the miniskirts and skimpy tops that have become so popular among the young ladies of this generation. Then again, they could have just photoshopped the outfits on their old black and white photographs.

After about a year, I finally asked myself what the purpose of having a Myspace was. I was tired of having to wait two and a half hours (with a DSL connection) for a single page to load. I began to wonder if all of the self-taken photographs with the awkward angles and idiotic faces were really worth my time. After all, I could be out reading the dictionary or thesaurus, which would probably be just as interesting as reading all of the narcissistic, mile-long biographies that, for some reason, have to be WrItTeN oUt LiK dIs. How is it that many of these students complain about having to write essays in class, when they can write something ten times as long on their Myspace? Perhaps it’s the fact that they have to use actual English, or that they can’t ‘decorate’ their writing with the ever-so-popular kRaZy KaPz. Who knows?

I could probably go on without ranting about Myspace, if it wasn’t for the fact that some people think that they have to be on as long as humanly possible. I vividly remember trying to work on my Freshman Mythology project (not as hard as the Senior Project, but requiring a great amount of research, nonetheless). A good few times, I found the computers in the library taken by the time I arrived, and more than once, my eyes just happened to wander and notice that somebody was on the forbidden Myspace… but how? Doesn’t the online filter block Myspace?
I soon learned that there are many different ways of slipping around the filter, and thus being able to access Myspace on school computers. So I decided to investigate. Arming myself with a notepad, pen, and teacher’s permission, I tired to find as many different ways on to Myspace as possible. I quickly succeeded, learning that there are a great many ways to get onto Myspace, and that finding them only requires some time, and a bit of cunning.

Laguna Soundtrack: As Bad as the Show (December 6, 2006) [Entertainment]

After listening to the soundtrack for "Laguna Beach", Summer Can Last Forever, I have but one question: Is there any way that the 52 minutes and 18 seconds of my life that this asinine CD wasted possibly be refunded? To be honest, I should have expected as much; how could such a ridiculous and idiotic television show possibly put out a good soundtrack?

The first mistake they made was placing Hilary Duff’s song ‘Coming Clean’ first in the lineup. It’s time for Hilary to take her own advice, and ‘come clean’ about what she’s been doing since the song’s release in 2003, or to be plain, why she now looks more like a horse than a human.
If that alone isn‘t enough to prevent the average person from purchasing this CD, perhaps we should consider the song ‘Bouncing Off the Walls’ by Sugarcult, which may sound like a nice, upbeat song to rock out to, but one minute and 35 seconds into the song comes the lines "Momma and Daddy’s got the best cocaine/Ritalin is never gonna feel the same/24 hours on an empty brain/ I got my finger on the trigger and you’re in my way." Is this something we want the children, and the ever-angsty teenagers that are listening to this song, to hear?

Sometimes, a single great song can redeem a horrid album, but unfortunately, none of these songs have any redeeming qualities. The best song on this album is ‘Out of My Head’, a pop song with a taste of rock, performed by Ginger Sling. ‘Out of My Head’ is far from being an Oscar-winning, top of the charts song, but it’s better than the rest of the junk on this CD.

If the music wasn’t bad enough, the CD makers decided to throw in a handful of dialogue clips from the television show. After listening to a song with idiotic lyrics, you are rewarded with a twelve second audio clip of a group of spoiled, oversexed girls with an average IQ of twelve shopping for bathing suits. If they are an accurate representation of ‘the real O.C.’, then I’m glad to be a resident of Los Angeles County.

If you’re planning to buy this CD as a special Christmas gift for a friend or loved one, consider buying six copies and bundling them together to serve as decorative coasters.

Paolini's "Eragon" Hits Theaters (December 6, 2006) [Entertainment]

Ever since "The Lord of the Rings" was published in the 1950s, the hunt has been on for the next J.R.R. Tolkien. After fifty years, one person has stepped forward to claim that title: Christopher Paolini. Paolini started writing "Eragon" in 1998, when he was a fifteen year old high school student in rural Montana. The fantasy/adventure epic was published in 2002, and became a New York Times Bestseller. Unlike the fans of "The Lord of the Rings", who had to wait about half a century before seeing their beloved trilogy on screen, "Eragon" fans don’t have to wait quite that long, thanks to 20th Century Fox.

So far, the film version of Eragon looks promising. The casting directors did a good job, bringing together a mix of new and old. Among the prominent cast members are: Jeremy Irons, (The Lion King, Dungeons and Dragons), who is playing Brom, the village storyteller and Eragon’s first mentor; Singer Joss Stone, who will be playing the role of the witch Angela; and Rachel Weisz, the voice of Saphira the dragon. Taking the role of Eragon will be first time actor Edward Speelers, who beat out 180,000 other applicants for the role.

Only time can tell what will become of this movie. Some people think that the movie will flop due to lack of advertising and substandard special effects (despite the fact that WETA workshop, the same group that did the special effects for The Lord of the Rings, are on staff).
All we can do now is wait. Eragon hits theaters on December 15, and is unrated as of the time of publication.

Shield Your Eyes, It's PDA Day (Feb 14. 2007) [Op-Ed]

At one time or another, we’ve all heard the term ‘dinner and a show’. A number of Cal-Hi students have decided to improve upon this wonderful concept, providing ‘lunch and a show’. From my vantage point inside the classroom where I fritter away my precious half-hour of free time each day, I am able to watch an average of three different couples as they lock at the lips and drown in their own passion, stopping to breathe only once the bell rings.
Last year, excessive public display of affection (PDA) was a problem. This year, it’s an epidemic. During break or lunch, you can’t turn a corner without running into a couple ravishing each other. More than once, I’ve seen a couple making out while walking down one of Cal-Hi’s horribly crowded corridors during the passing period. Standing outside my fifth period class one day, I saw a young lady playfully frisking her boyfriend, who was spread-eagled against they wall. By my senior year, we’re going to have to ask one of the major hotel chains to set up a branch on the Cal-Hi campus and rent out discounted rooms for the half-hour. Perhaps they could work out a program like McDonald’s and other restaurants have, and donate a percentage of their profits to the school.

Romantic relationships are natural, especially for teenagers, with raging hormones and all that, but this is too much. Whatever happened to gentle love, handholding and heartfelt cards? Everything has become straight-up sex. Instead of giving chocolate and roses for Valentine’s Day, guys are going to start bringing their girlfriends boxes of condoms or intrauterine devices. Where is today’s youth coming up with these shenanigans? My thoughts run first to the popular media, to songs like the Black-Eyed Peas’ ‘My Humps’, which is basically three minutes of sexual innuendos, and television shows like ‘The O.C.’ and ‘Laguna Beach’, which promote, among other things, promiscuity among teenagers.

The Cal-Hi discipline policy especially prohibits ‘excessive public displays of affection’, punishable with a warning on the first offense, and suspension on the second. If what I’m seeing on a day-to-day basis isn’t excessive, what is? Does clothing have to be removed before administration steps in? Lately, administration has been cracking down on tardies and revamping the detention policy. Now, it’s time to focus on defining the line between what ‘excessive’ PDA is and what it’s not; and to crack down and enforce the rule. I’m not talking about issuing a suspension for holding hands, but something has to be done about this!
I really don’t care what these couples do on their own time, but we all have a right to walk throughout campus without watching couples become intimate with each other. If Cal-Hi’s young ladies want to sell their bodies to the highest bidder, that’s great, as long as it takes place at somewhere other than school. Cal-Hi is an institute of learning, not a brothel, and it’s time to prove it.